--- begin Christmas Greeting ---
Why did he come?
His answer, in his own words:
"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
because he has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim
release to the captives
and recovery of sight to the blind,
to let the oppressed go free,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."
(Luke 4:18-19)
As we rejoice this Christmas at the coming of the Christ Child, may we also reflect on God's gentle reminder:
There are still poor.
There are still captives.
There are still blind.
There are still oppressed.
And for millions, no year of the Lord's favor has come to forgive the crushing burden of debt and poverty.
Exult with us as we celebrate the Child in the manger, who came that we might have abundant life.
And pray with us as we remember how much there is still to do.
Warmest blessings to you at Christmas.
Rev. Dr. Bob Edgar
General Secretary
National Council of Churches USA
475 Riverside Drive
New York, NY 10115
www.councilofchurches.org
--- end Christmas Greeting ---
Users were rather upset about receiving such a mailing, and many sent nasty emails to Dr. Edgar, not realizing he had not, in fact, intended to send an inappropriately religiously-themed email to a list on which it did not belong. Rather, the good reverend had merely been ambiguous in his composition, a fault which I am sure, everyone can forgive him for, especially after reading the clarification I sent to ease the tension between both the NCC and the angry MIT recipients:
--- begin clarification ---
Dear Sirs,
I am afraid that the usage of pronouns with respect to your particular message of christmas tidings and good cheer to this mailing list has left the subject in regard somewhat ambiguous. Therefore, I can only assume that, in the presence of said ambiguity, you are referring to My Wang. For, after all, who *isn't* talking about My Wang these days, what with its towering height and immense girth (rivaling that of a telephone post) notwithstanding, My Wang itself is admirable for the charity services it has done as of late in accordance with the season of giving: over 15 orphanages and homeless shelters in the Boston area alone have benefitted from a guest appearance of My Wang which volunteered its time to double as the trunk of a Christmas tree in the homes of homeless and underprivileged families who would otherwise have gone without. And unlike the many organized church groups who might pick and choose to whom they granted services, My Wang has practiced complete nondiscrimination around the holidays - it has doubled as a Menorah stand in three local synagogues to celebrate Chanukah, a Bodhi tree for Bodhi Day, and for Kwanzaa, well, My Wang is clearly dark, immense, thick, and robust... and as for services... I think that's enough said.
My Wang and I are so honored and pleased that you have chosen this particular passage from a recent 60 Minutes interview with My Wang regarding Christmas in Bosnia and the Hurricane Katrina Relief effort to share during this special holiday season with the people on the list " reuse@mit.edu." I understand that you may or may not have received some angry responses in regard to your email "Christmas Greetings from the NCC," but I assure you, it was out of ignorance for the subject matter, and as such My Wang would like to put forth a clarification to those who may have been mistaken into thinking you were sending religious material to a list to which it did not belong:
> Why did he come?
My Wang would like to state that there are many answers to that question, as he regularly comes, and enjoys coming as often as possible. Often times this can be due to direct stimulation, whether with hands, lips, or the occasional vertical smile. It is rare that the mere sight of eroticism alone will cause My Wang to come, though it is possible, as exhibited during several occasions of extreme arousal in his youth. However, My Wang would like to point out, though, that most often, the most effective and enjoyable manner during which he enjoys coming occurs when he penetrates a warm, moist, ripe canteloupe that I have carefully warmed in a lukewarm bath of oil. He often times works himself up into a frenzy and appreciates most the warm feeling of melon fibers and seeds slipping and wrapping around him as he thrusts.
> His answer, in his own words:
Well, perhaps paraphrased a little...
> "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
My Wang, though gender-preferentially neutral, will sometimes in the heat of passion refer to the canteloupe as "The Lord."
> because he has anointed me
[with warm oil and seeds]
> to bring good news to the poor.
Here he makes his reference to the Bosnian children and Katrina refugees.
> He has sent me to proclaim
> release to the captives
> and recovery of sight to the blind.
> to let the oppressed go free,
My Wang has, on many occasions, referred to the "little guys" trapped in the brown pouch below him as "captives" in search of release. And so true it is, that it seems to be a driving force propelling him forth again and again in the name of his cause, in a world where even little white guys are oppressed in dangling sacks. He envisions a world in which one day, little white guys may all run free in equality, before everyone stroking for the cause goes blind. After all, it is true what they say about releasing the captives and blindness going hand in... hand.
> to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."
> (Luke 4:18-19)
My Wang occasionally goes by the nickname "Luke" as he is often found in my Cool Hand.
> As we rejoice this Christmas at the coming of the Christ Child, may we also
> reflect on God's gentle reminder:
> There are still poor.
Which is why My Wang does volunteer work during the holidays
> There are still captives.
Little white masses trapped in sacks
> There are still blind.
See above about stroking for the cause
> There are still oppressed.
So true, so true. And My Wang will continue his noble course until the little white guys are all free.
> And for millions, no year of the Lord's favor has come to forgive the crushing
> burden of debt and poverty.
Millions, MILLIONS of little white guys each day are subjected to the horrors of crushing burdens while they are trapped in the brown sack! That is something to think about!
> Exult with us as we celebrate the Child in the manger, who came that we might
> have abundant life.
> And pray with us as we remember how much there is still to do.
Although My Wang leads far too active a life to be able to include children in the plan at this time, he does enjoy celebrating his innate ability to produce an abundance of life with each poignant thrust.
> Warmest blessings to you at Christmas.
I agree. And warmest blessings to you too. Keep up the good work!
Sincerely,
Myself and My Wang
--- end clarification ---
If you would like to send the NCC your own "greetings" and let them know how you feel, please feel free to contact the Reverend and his publicity manager Wesley M. "Pat" Pattillo
Happy Holidays, Bubonic Plague Luncheonette.
Further bulletins as events warrant.
No comments:
Post a Comment