Good Enough for Government Work: My Coworkers Have Diaper Rash

I walked into the office earlier today and my entire cube area smelled of Desitin.
This has been a recurring issue in the last two months... come to think of it, ever since that Sloan intern started working here. Three years in a graduate program and he still thinks that there is a single secret to engineering and design. I'm peeing my pants with anticipation of the moment he thinks he's ready for real world design. The reason? Mainly, the fact that last week, this guy went so far as to ask me where he could find the standard database that all EEs in general picked their designs from. My word, good man! There's a database that I've been missing all along? No wonder I've been having such a hard time! In that case, a trained monkey could probably do my job better than I - and with fewer fecal projectiles too, I imagine. My fellow electrical engineers were equally puzzled when approached with this same question.
"What processes do you guys use to pick your parts?"
"Mm... well, we have a common library on the system."
"Do all EEs use these parts?"
"Well, yes, at least, all EEs in our program, we're trying to create a common library, you see, so it's easier for..."
"No, I mean, all EEs in general."
"What, like the EEs in this company?"
"No, like EEs in general. This company and others. What database do you guys use to select your circuits?"
"Wait, circuits or parts?"
"Well, I was wondering if there was a database where all EEs found their parts. I imagine it's also got designs and circuits too. I mean, if I wanted to find a circuit that does this, or that, I'd just look it up. Where would I find this database? See, I'm trying to document the design process here."

Upon realization that he had no idea what he was talking about, my coworker and I proceeded to explain to him that no, a magical database where all designs could be found, did not, in fact, exist. We began to explain to him that design and engineering was a product of years and years of experience and sharing and learning design tips with other experienced engineers, but judging by the blank look on the intern's face, perhaps I should have just told him it was in my pants, and the forefront of cutting-edge engineering revolves around my thong.
I can only imagine that his assignment to "document the design process," was used as a matter of hazing - perhaps that's what they do to all interns working for production & manufacturing. Or perhaps he looked like he was truly fool enough to believe it. I asked the intern who he was working for, and he gave me the name of a production manager whom I truly despise, herein referred to as Piggy McMaggot, and the details of which I think I'll spare for another entry altogether entitled "You're Still Not an Engineer." Trust me, though, his flaws are lush and bountiful, and in some small way, I could not help but take pity on this poor intern - a good several years older than I, and married with children to boot. The feeling was passing, though, as I can probably say that a good several years from now, he'll find a position in upper management with that degree from Sloan, and I'll still be a pissant junior engineer. Alas, alack.

But back onto this larger issue of Desitin. I can't begin to fathom why my entire cube area has begun to smell like diaper rash ointment. There aren't any screaming babies to be found, and while some of my coworkers are arguably too old and senile to be allowed to design, I can't imagine any of them having succumbed to bowel control loss. The mystery of the diaper rash continues to elude.

Further bulletins as events warrant.