I Wonder Who Sponsored THAT Career Fair

Normally I refrain from posting ill-begotten blog "meme" diseases, but every once in a great while, one will come along and pique my interest. One such meme is as follows:

Go to www.careercruising.com. Use the username "nycareers" and password "landmark." Fill out the "Career Matchmaker" questionnaire. Post your 10 top results. Bold those you've seriously considered.

As a rule of thumb, I try to never post anything too mundane, but somehow the results to said questionnaire were far too interesting to pass up. Thus below, witness the following top 10 job fits for Ubernerd, in descending order according to "interest level" as determined by the good folks at careercruising.com:

1. Explosives Specialist - Does it bother anyone that a career counselor might trust me with explosives? I know it bothers me a little to know that my ideal job is one which capitalizes on my destructive tendencies.

2. Printing Press Operator - Awww, boring man! At least up until I figured out how feed grapes and other interesting things through the press to make latkes and Manischewitz and piss off my uptight Jewish boss.

3. Machinist - I'd honestly recently considered branching out into a more hands-on approach to engineering by acquiring some skill in the machining department so I could make my own goods with my own two hands. It might be nice, were it not for the fact that any machining I would be doing for my present company would be all on designs by that idiot inbred mechanical engineer Captain Crunch, and really, it's bad enough as it is just sharing a cube area on the diagonal from him worrying he might spontaneously drown in his Cheerios at any moment and wondering if it'd be impolitic to get him a breakfast cereal lifejacket.

4. Tool and Die Maker - Again, see above about machining, though you KNOW I would invent the world's best bottle opener. Furthermore, the opportunity to cast my own body parts making lewd gestures into actual tools and handles would prove far too tempting. I'd be fired within two weeks.

5. Optical / Ophthalmic Lab Technician - I wonder if these are the guys who grind my lenses, or maybe they're the guys who shoot high tech air puffs into my gunky bloodshot eyeball while I'm leaning into that machine that checks for Glaucoma. Either way, after a week of that, I'd be trying to press my forehead to the grind stone to end the boredom anyways.

6. Industrial Designer - I'd really only work towards this opportunity if I was guaranteed the chance to crack that wank architect Frank Gehry right in the balls with a concrete industrial scale model of the Gates Tower/Stata Building for what he did to MIT's now-grotesque landscape. As for the rest of the industry, well, eh, I could take it or leave it.

7. Electrician - It's kind of a brainless version of my current job. Only an added bonus would be that I could ride around in a truck that has someone's name "AND SONS" painted on the back of it. I wonder if I could have a Tranny & Sons truck if I moved back to San Francisco...

8. Sign Maker - Oooh, what a boring job. But what a sign maker I would be! I can't even begin to elaborate on the number of possibilities for misbehavior there are on that job.

9. Dental Lab Tech - Ugh, yeah, that's exactly what I want to do all day. Stare into other people's foul mouths and check for hoof and mouth rot. No thanks, I know that *I* used to eat a clove of garlic and Kim Chee before visiting my asinine pediatric dentist - I can't imagine what other people do to mess with their oral hygienists, just to get their jollies, especially with the shit they pass off for food on the east coast these days. *vomit*

10. Fashion Designer - Well, really, I guess it's my other calling. I'm already involved in 2 weddings this upcoming year, and at least one of them is going to feature some haute couture from the Ubernerd Atelier (well, if I ever stop getting shafted by freeloaders like Tom who piss and whine their way into overly complicated custom clothes for free, maybe someday I'll be able to afford an Atelier!). I guess someday when engineering gets old, and I'm a full-time stay at home mom, tending to my little robot children and wiping the battery acid off their adorable little robot bottoms while they go through waste disposal training, maybe I'll take on a real designer label of my own to help supplement my income.

So those are my top 10 career options - I can't imagine what kind of a job fair I'd have to go to in order to find this assortment of employers, but if you happen to know of one, please do feel free to call and inform me.

Further bulletins as events warrant.