I'm the Kind of Girl...

A couple of my friends have been turning to Personals in order to remedy their datelessness for this year's upcoming V-day (I thankfully talked them all out of attending singles-mixers that night because everyone knows V-Day mixers are filled with psycho hose-beasts). It got me thinking as to what I'd write if I were writing up a personal. Obviously, a personal profile is the kind of thing that's supposed to allow your personality to shine through such that you might find a mate who will appreciate you for all your qualities and flaws. A few examples (courtesy of Craigslist) have even gone so far as to create a snapshot of a single moment to give a potential parter insight into your everyday life. Without further adieu, I present Ubernerd's Personal Ad:

I'm the Kind of Girl... -w4m
I'm sitting here at my desk with a roast beef sandwich in front of me, and I can't eat it with a straight face. It's making me think of the phrase "beef curtains" which I find to be horribly amusing. Because, you know, that's just the kind of girl I am.
My friend on MIT zephyr (yes, I'm on zephyr at work via an ssh terminal - PuTTY to be exact, since it's the only way to go - that's the kind of girl I am) has just asked me "how about 'beef whistle'?" to which I respond "that would be if it were on a baguette. Right now, it's on a bulkie roll... which is, well, round and... uh... well, has pieces of beef draped out the side, which makes it look like beef curtains. With a tomato squeezing out for good measure" although foodplay doesn't particularly rock my boat. Then again, that's just the kind of girl I am.
I'd like a guy who enjoys all kinds mad rompy-pompy - being vocal is a plus, but he needs to be careful because some things just turn me off. In fact, my friends and I have had this contest before, where the general consensus for the most unattractive things to utter while getting it on came down to exclaiming "Gingivitis!" while riding on top, and "the Underground Theme" from Super Mario Brothers while going at it doggy style. "Uh oh! It's the Hammer Bros! What will we do?" "Never fear... this mushroom tip here will double my size! Haha! 1UP!" Please, don't be that guy.
Looking forward to hearing from ya! Maybe we could meet up for a coffee some time. I know we'll get along just great!

I don't know how this Personal went so awry. It's a wonder I get any at all.

Further bulletins as events warrant.