Kittie Cat Cafe Menu

Good morning and Welcome to kittie-cat-cafe. The kittie-cat-cafe is open extra early this morning, and serving hash browns, and scrambled eggs, and hearty bowls of cream-of-FUCK-YOU. Can we interest you in our special Friday menu? Today's featured dishes are the buttermilk pancakes, sausage, and potatoes, and the SCREW-YOU-TWICE-OVER-and-easy-omelette. Our drink selections today include milk, tea, and the seasonal UP-YOURS-juice.

Oh, wait, my mistake. It's just Friday morning and I'm being served up a healthy dose of "that's life."

Opening up my laptop has never felt more... like a finger in my eye.
Well, after last night's exceptionally infantile display of frustration at some piece of shit JSim code that took 6 hours longer to get working than it should have due to gross incompetence on my part, and my inability to translate the world's easiest logic into a PIECE OF MOTHERFUCKING CODE thus eliminating 6 precious hours I needed to spend on an entirely different lab, I guess it's no surprise that I'm in an even worse mood than I was when I got told to go to bed. Will someone please explain WHERE THE FUCK THE POINT OF THE LAB WENT when the fucking coding proved harder than solving the actual goddamn problems?!! If I'd just had the nerd kit in front of me, I would've had the goddamn thing done AND had time to work on the extra points, just for shits and giggles! When the fuck did more abstractions become better?! Hell, if it hadn't been for the people around me who _could_ debug the piles of dung known as JSim, I'd have nothing to show for all of last night's efforts.

I just wish it didn't have to be this way... where poor fuckers with good hearts go out of their way to try and cut me a break, spreading their betterments all over god's green earth and acting on the pity they feel for me - poor little angry bitchin' me, so full of rage at my own ineptitude. And what do they get for it? I don't fucking know. An expanded vocabulary, perhaps? A feeling of fulfillment that they've helped one of the less-gifted, less fortunate bastards in this world? I sure as hell can't give anything back, though lord knows I try. What DO you give to someone who's already got everything you've got and then all the things you haven't? There's nothing, and it's no fucking tradeoff, it's charity. And you know you're already screwed when you're a charity case. How could anyone love something that's so poor it _needs_ to take help like free bread because it sure as hell can't offer anything of value in return?

I hate being taken care of. I hate the way it ALWAYS takes someone better than me to do it. I hate asking, and I hate receiving when I know I have nothing of value to trade. But most of all, I hate knowing that I need and lack. I'm sick of being constantly humbled by the all the BS that EVERYONE ELSE finds mundane. It's just what happens when you want to feel like an equal, but need like a charity case. When everybody looks your way and thinks "boy I'm glad I'm not doing that."
It always feels like this afterwards... when everything is said and done, and the only thing you feel you're lacking is your sense of dignity.

Alex, Gabe, Natan, and every other kind soul who gave me a hand last night... I can't thank you enough for all the help you gave me - without you guys, I really wouldn't have had anything to show for all the hours of work, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate all the effort you guys put in to getting things to work. As Jim would say, "you guys wiped my ass for me."

... I just wish that it was because I'd done something to earn your love and respect, and not because you feel sorry for me.