Whilst aiding an old pal from high school in toting his girlfriend around various amusing places in the east bay, I made a few interesting discoveries: 1) the value of friendship and truthful communication transcend the limitations imposed by definitive relationships and 2) Grigris are expensive.
Allow me to elaborate first on the second of my two main observations. Grigris, as stated above, are quite expensive. For those unfamiliar, a Grigri is a piece of climbing equipment through which one threads and secures various ropes, and apparently serves as an excellent balayer. Balls if I know exactly what this all means, having only been on a high ropes course once. It's how my pal explained it to his girlfriend, and I'll leave it at that. However, today we were interested in said tool, not for its exceptional balaying abilities, but rather for the unique role it played in the legendary battle between myself and The Yeti Whut Ate Mah Climbin' Pardner. If I have yet to tell you about the time mah climbin' pardner got eaten bah a yeti, please do ask me to recount the harrowing experience at some point. In any case, today, during a pit stop at the REI (we figured it would only be common courtesy to pay a visit since we'd parked in their parking lot for lack parking spaces nearer to the sex shop we were actually interested in), I had somehow convinced my pal of the necessity to purchase a Grigri such that we might bronze it and mount it to a wall plaque as a trophy and memento of Mah Climbin' Pardner. Unfortunately, said Grigri seemed to have no price tag on it. Assuming that it, like the other tools surrounding it, was priced in the $20 range, we picked it up and strode over to the salesman at the counter, with clear intent to check the price, and probably make a purchase. After oafing around for about 10 minutes in search of a price, the clerk returned and proclaimed he "couldn't find the exact price, but it was probably going for somewhere between $60 and $70." Naturally, we put the Grigri back and beat a hasty retreat. And so, apparently, Grigris are expensive.
The second of my two observations came today over a bowl of rice and raw fish. Seated in a fairly empty section of the Sushi Genki restaurant for a late lunch, my pal, his girlfriend, and I were engaged in a small bout of small-talk between bites when my pal's girlfriend excused herself for a visit to the ladies room. Clearly not in a mood to continue the small talk as soon as she left, my normally jocular and often times rude friend dropped into one of his rare serious tones. He proceeded go on at great lengths about how he felt highly nervous regarding the future of his relationship with his girlfriend. Now, mind you, this was a pal I'd known from high school - back in the days when I played with plastic dog poop and was in love with his best friend. This man had talked me through a number of rough ordeals. So naturally, it was interesting to hear about the problems he'd been having on his end of the deal. And well, I guess I'd already been hearing about them for the past several months... he and his girlfriend had been having some issues regarding "being on the same page," when it came to going to grad school, the commitment they had to each other, and well, I suppose issues of respect too. Certainly not blatant issues regarding disrespect for one another. But, well, it seemed to me that my pal was truly feeling torn wondering whether or not he should stay with her or leave, especially after he'd lived with her for nearly three months over the summer and been through so much else - it was a question of whether she made him happy, or whether he was merely fooling himself into believing that she (whom he had claimed as one of his best friends at his college) was the same kind of person that he could admire and desire a relationship with. And well, to be frank, it sounded a little grim. I wasn't exactly sure what to say to him then, and I'm not all too sure now, but I suppose one thing has occurred to me: he'd never talked to her the way he'd just spoken to me. I guess it was one of those things that he'd been unable to compel himself to do - perhaps stemming from a certain sense of distance he felt he had to keep from her. I guess it's not something I can blame him for, since I'm afraid I'm guilty of that crime myself. Both he and I, as we both very well knew from high school, were a bit isolated from most others and thrived on divulging personal information only to select people whom we either respected or deeply cared about - almost as if personal information and trust were some sort of token to a privileged circle of our choosing. And well, shit, maybe, this is the underlying principle of friendship, once you strip away all the rules and whatnot. Such being the case, I guess it would seem that for whatever reason, my pal and his girl were just not on the same page... and from the looks of it, neither of them seemed to be attempting to bridge the gap that'd sort of come between them, or maybe had always existed... And well, I'm sort of lost in terms of advice to tell him, other than "find a way to trust her enough to talk to her the way you're talking to me, or if you just can't, you need to let it go now." Some rotten advice, huh? Perhaps the only thing to do is wish the both of them the best of luck on the whole matter and leave it at that.
I think what I learned from all this today is that, well, that the word "relationship" really just means nothing if it doesn't have everything that a good friendship has, and then maybe a little more. Maybe that's one of the things that I've been misunderstanding about love, and I guess finally beginning to learn now. I've sure as hell botched up a lot of relationships before... and well... a goodly contribution to that would certainly be my chicken-shittedness when it comes to showing vulnerability and weakness to someone I admire... but perhaps part of it has just been that I've misunderstood all along the motivation behind acting casual, frank, and, well, pal-like towards a significant other. Given that part of it has been a worry of becoming an irritating imposing presence (jebus knows that there sure are a few I live with who are), I can't help but think that erring in the opposite direction - being too cautious in handling encounters with a person - also leaves people feeling unloved.
I can't say I know exactly where the middle ground lies, but I think that a strong, comfortable friendship definitely fits in there somewhere as a buffer for when things go wrong, and well, I guess it seems kind of an after-the-fact, but I seem to have found that after falling, drowning, crashing, and burning, everything, I've started at the beginning of a friendship again, and maybe this time, I'll be able to slowly walk towards love and not lose my way. Still stumbling along, but hey, I'm learning. Fast as I can, right?
... Speaking of lunch, I think the octopus has been sitting a little uneasy with my stomach. Remind me never again to order anything that sounds as sketchy as the Tako Bell lunch special, no matter how cheap it is.
Further bulletins as events warrant.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment