Faithless Little Prick: A Guest Article

Firstly and foremostly, I'd like to apologize to my faithful readers for accidentally allowing the Bubonic Plague Luncheonette to go on hiatus once again. Writing has been coming with increasing difficulty as of late due to work stress, other extra curricular activities, and the Hard Liquor Fairies series of drawings beckoning me after a long period of neglect. However, whist in the middle of writing yet another rage-filled entry, looking for new ways to mix it up and offer a new feature on the luncheonette menu, I received an email from a good friend of mine, another Lady D, so to speak, requesting a forum in which to express her rage. Mainly, she asked if she could write a guest entry for the Plague. Naturally, I was not only honored by the fact that she regarded my humble little blasting zone as a forum appropriate for her venting needs, but delighted by the fact that there would be a brand new fresh flavor of angry for my readers.
However, after going over the details of her guest entry, Faithless Little Prick, earlier this evening, my dear friend's gentle heart, as well as the soothing, mellowing qualities of a bottle of Rose Champagne (which, by the way, she mightily polished off like a true champion drinker! Here's to you, DrkElf! Not only has she joined the "Had an Entire Bottle and then Drunk Dialed Kim" Club, she's my third drunk dial this week!), my dear friend just couldn't bring herself to continue writing the entire entry, and asked me to write a Plague entry on her behalf. Thus, I will begin by including her original entry, and then proceeding forth from there. My immense gratitude in advance to readers for bearing with my experimental material!
"Evening everyone... this is Lady DrkElf in for a bit of guest ranting.

I'm tired of little dipshits who think they're mature enough to love fucking up the hearts of the rest of us. People who think love is selfish. People who will swear they're in love with you one week, and tell you they're in love with someone else the next. You give your heart to them, serve it up on a nice silver platter, and they send it back to you skewered and charred.

People like that should come with warning labels."

First and foremost, allow me to include a little bit of background on my poor friend's predicament: it seems that my lovely mademoiselle and her gentleman friend and most recent ex, Mister Whisper, were navigating through the generally rough emotional waters of a breakup due to long distance and negotiations of the terms of a "close friendship," and the notion of a visit to Seattle came up. My dear DrkElf was to visit her ex boyfriend, who had told her that "he loved her and would really be excited for her to visit," only to tell her the next week, when she called to confirm her visit, that he didn't really want her to visit, and that he'd fallen in love with someone else over the weekend. Naturally, now, you understand the necessity of the bottle of Rose Champagne. And while the notion of "falling in love with someone else over the weekend, sorry." is fairly galling in its own right, as it naturally should be to any ex lover, what's really all the more appalling - on my appall-o-meter - is the nonchalant execution of the entire matter.
It's true that when it comes to passions and emotions, no one involved can see straight, and naturally, it's no fun to hear about an ex falling out of love with you and falling in love with someone else over the span of a weekend, or a month, or even a year for that matter. The fact of the matter is, a friendship based out of a former relationship is ever more touchy than the relationship itself ever was, as each and every action is read into and taken far more personally than it ever should be were it to come from any other friend in the more traditional buddy sense. Hell, it's bullshit. At least, that's what I'd most likely say, were I ever forced to take a strong side on the issue - as long as you still care deeply about what happens to someone, no matter whether you're in a pants-privileges relationship or not, *everything* will hurt. Caring hurts, loving hurts, the more you love, the more it hurts - it's a sick fact of emotions, and no matter what kind of a sack someone will try to hand you this crap in, it's still a sack of crap. A person who is in love with you is a "beloved soulmate" when you reciprocate the feeling, and is a "sick bastard who needs to get over you" otherwise. Like an electrolytic capacitor, the whole bloody thing's got polarity, with nothing in between. Take it from someone who knows, having been that "sick bastard" to various persons before - the self-same gesture of something so small as an invitation to a goth club elicits such different reactions depending on whether or not it's coming from a person who cares and would honestly love to see you there, or whether it's coming from someone who's currently got your pants-privileges - the former being the "sick bastard who should stop caring so much," and the latter being "oh yes! of course let's go, it sounds like fun!"
But as always, I digress far off the main road, faster than Oksana Baiul in a red sports car. The point of the entire matter is that those who deeply give a shit about you are most certainly in some sort of pain - and while most would gladly invite the pain in order to stay in your life, it certainly doesn't give you an immediate license to piss on the frozen sidewalk right in front of them just because you have to pee. Once again, it rolls around to the issue of courtesy, and the fact that, apparently, there are many people out there who are simply too selfish, or maybe just too stupid to think about what kinds of consequences their actions will have on those around them (refer to the Captain Dipshit entry for examples). How hard is it to pause for a second and think "hmm... would I like it if someone did this to me?" before going ahead? How hard would it have been to stop and realize for a second that a nonchalant "nope, I'd rather not see you, I've fallen in love with someone else over the weekend, sorry" as a way to break some hard news would make your ex-lover feel trivialized? Hey, like I've said before, nobody wants to hear that shit from someone they care about enough to dedicate the effort towards friendship. But it's far far FAR more inconsiderate to trivialize the effort the other person has put into building a hard friendship by simply treating some potentially emotionally hard news as a comment in passing, or worse, ignore it and hope that social etiquitte and legal restrictions keep the other person from stuffing a corncob in your bunghole. Let's face it. Shit is shit, no matter how you look at it. However, the *considerate* thing to do when you just have to feed it to someone, is to serve it up on a silver platter with a side of mesculin greens with vinaigrette and a nice red wine to wash it all down with. Not turn the paper plate upside down and slap it up top on their head. Likewise, there's a considerate way of breaking bad news, and at least making a person feel as though they're valued, and there's an inconsiderate "I'll deal with it if I'm forced to" way of breaking bad news. And what makes this entire incident so very appalling in my book, and perhaps the real underlying source of rage that my dear DrkElf has tapped into, is the sheer number of people who are so inconsiderate that this drama of soap-opera-caliber becomes so mundane and so common. So many inconsiderate fucks in this world, and we're living among them. While I've most certainly not begun to cover the emotional impacts of this one particular incident of rudeness in the rich detail that only DrkElf could commit to words, I hope that I've been able to amply capture the essence of what it's like to have rhino dung slapped upon your forehead - that is... people can be appallingly inconsiderate. But most importantly, I do send my best wishes to you, Lady DrkElf, and hope that the bottle of champagne was as comforting as it sounded over the phone. Good luck in the future, and may things like this never happen to you again. Once is enough.

Further bulletins as events warrant.